Some days, we long to work from home to be more accessible to our kids, maybe throw in a load of laundry while we’re on a conference call and actually make a homemade dinner - before 7pm at that. Be careful what you wish for, because it just might come true.

This week our town is being hit with a massive snowstorm - even blizzard conditions - and school is canceled for the entire week. Telecommuting is really the only option - you can’t even drive on the snowy, icy roads.

But, this afternoon, I long for the peacefulness of my desk and afternoon snack of wasabi peas stowed away in my drawer; of office Internet connections that enable me to work more quickly; of surroundings that don’t call out to me to cook, clean or make a fourth cup of coffee.

I think part of the reason my friends refer to me as the one who does it all is that I can’t ever seem to sit still. There is no such thing as having nothing to do in my mind. And, to be honest, it’s not just about balancing work, kids and marriage. I think I was a juggler long before any of those factors ever entered in to my life. And, while I can attest to watching  a fair amount of TV in my youth I don’t recall, as an adult, ever being very good at sitting still. There was always something to do - run an errand, shop (even when I shouldn’t, but that’s another topic), clean, make something, do something, work more hours. It strikes me now that it may be more DNA than circumstance.

And, at it’s most fundamental level, it’s really all about forward progress. If you’re not doing, how can you get anywhere?

All of this has been to my own demise since having children. The sheer volume of business increases so much once you have children that the key to survival is know when to stop and what to prioritize. And, while I have gotten much better at determining what is really important (see my post on toxic friends as an example), my eyes are still always forward. My mantra may as well be “Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?” I joke about this statement with my friends sometimes, because I think my husband’s mantra would be “Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?” He has gotten much better about doing rather than waiting, but I’m not sure I have really gotten much better - beyond prioritizing better - at stopping and not doing everything this instant. And, as a result, I sometimes fail to see the moment. And, I sometimes fall down - hard. It’s also probably why my short-term memory is so bad (if you don’t stop to look, how can you see?). More importantly, it’s hard to find any satisfaction in what you are doing if you don’t actually stop and appreciate it, or even acknowledge it.

So, I have tried to become more mindful of stopping in addition to prioritizing. It’s easy to forget it, but when I do, I keep the following passage in my work bag to remind me…

“This moment right now is all that you ever really possess in life. If you sit and sincerely contemplate this, you will realize that you are never truly guaranteed the next moment. Your mind is determined to consistently place your attention deep within the past or into the future. Both of these (living in the moments of the past or dreaming of the moments of the future) are illusions that destroy the reality of the present. Detach yourself from the faulty guidance of your mind and simply allow yourself to be in the radiance of the Now. This is where living takes place; it does not exist anywhere but in the present.” ~ Richard Singer, Jr.

And I try to Stop. Breathe. Think. Look.

When I travel for work I find I am often caught in between guilty-pleasure and just plain guilt. Not because I do anything bad when I travel. There’s no “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” type of thing going on. No, what I find myself battling is the knowledge that I should use this time to my advantage - to write those reports and read those competitive summaries - but all I really want to so is have a glass of wine and completely zone out for the entire duration of the flight.

You know, that mental place where a millions thoughts may fly through your head, none of them amounting to much of anything. Or better yet, cast myself away in a daydream about being an Olympian (Don’t tell me you’ve never done the same. We’ve all seen Fletch and that’s exactly whey we find it so funny. The truth of the human insight connects with us immediately.)

I mean, how often do you ever get several hours, sometimes more, when no one can reach you? You should use this time to catch up, right?  Hmmm, not so sure. 

“Should” is a powerful word.  What we “should” do is always hanging over us. I could just as easily rationalize that I should do nothing. That I should watch a movie, or listen to music, or daydream, exactly because I never get any time to do these things at home. In the midst of the toddler-dom that reigns supreme over my house, I think the only book that I’ve managed to read in the past 3 years in its entirety is the final installment of Harry Potter. I haven’t seen a movie without pausing several times to get milk or juice, or help a child blow a nose in 4 and a half years.

Yet, trying to rationalize what I should do is never very satisfying, because it always has multiple, conflicting, possibilities as an answer.  I think it should be replaced with what I need. If I evaluate the situation based on what I need more, then the  answer is clearer. What I need is to clear my head. To relax. To rest. I need this more than I need to write that report. Believe me, if I needed to write the report, I would. If it was due tomorrow, or someone was relying on me to deliver a presentation on it when I landed, I would. But, they aren’t. And in order for me to write that report when I need to, and get milk for the loves of my life when I need to, it’s probably more important that I get some much-needed zoning out.

So, as much as I curse you, business travel - for the jet lag and the time away from my family - I also thank you - for a few hours that belong just to me.