So, I have to say, as much as I do a lot - I run a large team at an advertising agency on a large piece of business, I have 2 children, I have a husband, pre-school volunteering, housekeeping and other chores, friends to keep, friends to not keep, you name it - I often feel like I don’t do enough.
I was recently introduced to a charity I believe in through a friend and determined to do better for the world than just donate money. And, I have to say, I’m not very good at it. When it comes to prioritizing “doing good” over that client call, my kids, things I have to do at home, I truly have a hard time placing volunteering first. Similarly, although I am not Catholic, I married a Catholic and christened my children in a Catholic church. But, when Sunday comes, I am not in church. At some point, this will need to change. The commitment I made is real and both of my daughters - in addition to my husband and I - need to begin to participate in our church community in order to give our children the ability to make an informed future choice about their faith.
I’m not sure why these things are so hard for me to prioritize. I hate to think that I don’t believe in them, but is that the case? Is it that there is simply too much to do, or is this just post-rationalizing not prioritizing them in order to make myself feel better?
I realize in times like these that perhaps my ability to prioritize is out of whack. Maybe I am not the Juggler extraordinaire. I wrote some weeks ago about my back issues and my need to create a better routine around my health. While I have been diligent about the “easy” stuff - going to physical therapy, taking my vitamins, lifting properly - I have yet to really engage in exercising beyond doing the stretches given to me by my doctor.
When do people do this stuff? How do people do all this? My friends and co-workers often tell me that they think I do it all, but I have to say that my response lately has been that I am a less-than-graceful Juggler. I am missing things left and right. Juggling feels like such an illusion. I have things in my life that should be meaningful that I just can’t get to.
I feel like I need a reset button. But, when I need to decide what I need to do - I need to earn. I need to tuck kids into bed, I need to vent with my girlfriends for my own sanity. And this all seems much more important than church. I am clearly going to hell!
Perhaps this all makes sense and I am prioritizing the right things, but I feel I may wake up one day and question what I have put at the top of my list. I feel I make my choices based on need combined with what I feel I can live with (call it the combination of my gut, mind and heart). But, guilt carries on. Perhaps the subject here then, is really guilt. I know guilt shouldn’t be the guide. How to stop it? How to separate it from the other factors?
I feel my struggle is a common one. But the question remains - how to decide? How do you?
I love your blog and agree 100%….I also have a full time job, a 1 1/2 hour commute in the NCR and I’m a full time mom. How to juggle it all, especially the responsibilities that weigh heavily on the heart….I just take one step in front of the other. I get to church when I can, run when the time is available (even if its 11 at night), and just take it one day at a time. Good luck!!