After proving myself in my first two months on the job, I am now eligible to telecommute once a week. As I jotted down my “work from home day” in my datebook today, all sorts of hopes and aspirations took over.

Since i’ll be working from home one day, I will:
- Make a nice homemade dinner for my kids and myself
- Pick up that suit at the cleaners that I haven’t had time to get since October
- Take a few moments to visit with my stay-at-home mom friends at preschool dropoff (since i’m never there)
- Take a break at lunchtime and do two miles on the elliptical
- Read the entire newspaper
- Call to set up doctor and dentis appointments overdue

Oh, and work.

I think the flexibility to work from home is great, but I might be putting too much pressure on myself to do more then, making it harder than the day has to be.

I will not let my company down from home! I am confident I will be a strong employee here or at the office. I wish I was as confident I will actually do all these motherly things noted above. Check back in later in the week and i’ll let you know if I let myself down on that front.

Have you read about the study showing that kids pick up the slack on housework when their fathers work longer hours? For each extra hour a father spends at work, his children do two more minutes of housework a week on average, the researchers found, but the same doesn’t hold true when it’s moms out at work more.

The research study, involving more than 3500 families where both husband and wife work full-time outside the home, appears in November’s Journal of Family Issues. On average, the moms in the study worked 37 hours a week and the husbands 47 hours a week.

I would be fascinated to see a similar study focusing on households where single moms are raising the kids, especially since I am about to start a new, full-time job in ten days. Will my 4 and 8-year old sons do more chores when I work more? It may be time to refocus on the “chores chart” we made four months ago, which outlines the boys’ bi-weekly chores (the weeks the cleaning lady is off, they’re on) and which they used to tackle with gusto. I’m the one who hasn’t been disciplined enough to enforce it.

As my time at home dwindles, what else can I do to ensure the kids start helping around the house more? The study also found that the more parents stress about work-life balance, the more housework children do. Relief..if my stress shows just a little bit, they’ll get to work, and I don’t have to feel guilty that I’m not putting on a happy face every second of the day! Shouldn’t boys learn the art of juggling — just a little bit?

Women constitute nearly half the work force in this country, approximately 47 percent, yet many moms feel conflicted about working outside the home, according to a recent report by the Pew Research Center’s Social and Demographic Trends Project.

With back-to-school season sliding into a chilly fall, I have found yet another thing to feel conflicted and guilty about: fear of my kids getting sick and the domino effect of me having to miss work. With fear and trepidation, I just opened another email from my four-year-old’s preschool director fearing another illness outbreak. Sure enough, on the heels of yesterday’s announcement of Lice running rampant through the classroom, Hand, Foot & Mouth disease has also been diagnosed.

Sitting here sneezing away, I’ve been fighting a cold that’s getting worse by the hour. (And I am no doubt annoying my new officemate on his first day, but that’s another story.) I can fight through it, but if my little guy gets nits in his hair or rashes on his hands, we can’t put a happy face on it. He will have to stay home – and so will I.

While this is the reality of being a working mom, I long for the days when I freelanced at home and didn’t really have to report into anyone that I couldn’t “come to work.” I am so worried about possibly having to miss work that I could actually use a mental health day to calm down about it. Then I feel guilty about wanting that.

Maybe I should just come down with the flu – which I might. I can’t get a flu shot for another ten days.

Do you ever tell your kid a little lie, just to get through the moment? Just the other day, I told my four-year-old he will only get taller by eating Life cereal, not by eating Lucky Charms. I was trying to lead him to the less-sugary breakfast option—and he bought it. But now I feel bad.  New research from the University of Toronto and the University of California at San Diego takes a closer look at how often “parenting by lying” takes place.

Studies showed parents reported they told their young kids that bad things would happen if they didn’t go to bed or eat what they were supposed to.  Another study looked at college students’ recollections about their parents’ lying and concluded parents often do lie to their kids, even as they tell them lying is not acceptable!

The findings show that even the parents who most strongly promoted “honesty is the best policy” lied to their kids.  My little lies make me feel a little bit guilty about just trying to get through the day.

“If you don’t get find your baseball glove and get into the car right this minute so we can get to your game on time, you will never get a team t-shirt in any season ever again,” I threatened my son. He looked concerned and on the verge of tears, but he got in there. Two minutes later, he was happily chewing bubble gum and singing “Shake It.”  Did I do any harm?  I don’t think so. But I may never know—until there are study findings on actual harm done by a little lying.

Maybe it’s the dog days of summer, or the fact that my nanny was an hour late without calling this morning, but today my new job and juggler life is making me sort of melancholy, especially when I visit Facebook from my desk, Subway veggie sandwich in hand.  I see so many of my Connections posting hyper-happy updates about heading to the beach, enjoying the beach, loving the perfect beach day, etc. 

Part of me would love to write my update on Facebook:  “Hi, here in my windowless office in week six of my new job, kicking myself for forgetting to slather on the sunless tanning lotion this morning. Headed to see my divorce attorney in my never-ending litigation battle. Heading into the Virginia-to-Maryland commute for my corporate job while I’m dying to be creative.  Heading home to start my second job as mom. Headed toward 9pm, when I can sit and relax for the first time all day.”

If I sound bitter, I don’t mean to.  Really–that’s not me!  It’s just that I’ve become a real “Juggler” since I went from freelance communications consultant to full-time worker last month. I do love my life, my kids, my dog, my friends, the special person in my life - even my new commitment to running.  But, some days, eating frosted Miniwheats for a mid-afternoon snack, sniffing my four-year-old’s freshly shampooed head at 8pm and watching HGTV’s “Design Star” with my kids before bed are the highlights of my day.  That’s okay, right?

About me:
I am a mom of two very energetic boys, ages 4 and 8, and I am beginning a new juggling act:  Six weeks ago, I just began a full-time job at a major consulting firm – after working on my own as a Freelance Writer and Communications Consultant for three years. Armed with a stylish new suit, a stringent schedule, a 40-minute commute each way (quite a change from going down a flight of stairs at my house to work on the deck!), an actual boss and office politics, I’m setting out to make sense of my whole new world.  Did I also mention I am newly separated, just started running for the first time in my life and training for an October 10k, joined a gym I can’t find time to get to, have a new nanny who I’m paying a fortune to, one son in preschool that doesn’t start for TEN more days, and have a sick Pug? Oh, and I am getting my house ready to sell.

So, in my quest to be the Juggler, I must admit that I have been intentionally deceptive. I traveled many paths in my quest to get it all done and some of it is quite clearly a ruse. I have taken conference calls while shopping online for that birthday present I forgot about. In fact, I have taken conference calls from a wide variety of locations, most not my office, in an attempt be home when I need to, while still getting my work done. My favorite location is the front seat of the mini-van while it’s parked in the driveway of my own house, since doing calls from inside would mean having 2 toddlers wanting to sit on my lap instead of staying with the nanny. It usually involves some fuzzy slippers and a cup of tea, and my much-beloved bluetooth headset. I have gotten my hair cut when I should be at work only to complete my work at 4AM, when it’s of course impossible to get a haircut. I’ve ordered Christmas cards and begun shopping for the holidays in the summer, because I know I won’t get it done otherwise. I’ve declined meetings to have breakfast with my daughters, and sat with them on my lap watching DVD’s on the computer while checking work email. I’ve delegated, re-prioritized and de-prioritized. Some of this is good management of situations and some is quite clearly just in the service of staying on top of all of it. 

And staying on top of it all sometimes very clearly puts the wrong things at the top of my list. I’m not sure where my husband has landed on the list, but it’s sure not the top. The poor man has lost out to writing thank-you cards, cleaning and sleep to name but a few items. The laws of juggling are clearly flawed in that respect, as priority is often placed on the more immediate need rather than the more important need. That’s where the math really breaks down. But, in the words of Rick James, control is a helluva drug. Oh, that was cocaine he was talking about? I didn’t notice. Many juggle reluctantly and I admit there are days when I would prefer not to, but if I didn’t try to control as much of it as I could, what would success be? And where would happiness come from?

Join me as I try to figure it out.

As I began to think about introducing myself to you, I thought mostly about the traditional definitions of a juggler. You know, the one who deftly keeps the balls in the air. Applied to people, it’s either used in the positive or the negative. “Man, how does she get it all done?! She juggles it all - motherhood, work, marriage” or “You dropped the ball on that one” (though the latter could just as easily be a football analogy, but you get the idea). But the real definition of a juggler isn’t quite so simple. And this is where it all begins.

First, I’ll tell you that the goal is indeed to keep the balls all in the air. Let’s just admit it from the start. I think I, like millions of others, have some closely-held believe that doing so will lead to “getting it right” which will lead to happiness. The math is kind of off, I agree, as happiness doesn’t rely on doing it all. In fact, my brain knows that happiness can come from doing nothing at all, or at the very least from doing less than I do now. But, the act of doing is also an act of control, and who doesn’t want to control their own happiness?

So, in a quest for happiness, I became the juggler. And people have often marveled at my ability to “do it all.” But as I said, nothing is that simple. And the real definition of a juggler made me both laugh and take note of who I am.

Juggler

1 a: one who performs tricks or acts of magic or deftness b: one skilled in keeping several objects in motion in the air at the same time by alternately tossing and catching them

2: one who manipulates especially in order to achieve a desired end

So, yes, that’s me. I am the juggler. But lest ye think I’m the perfect one, stay tuned and of course visit me often at www.lifeworkalliance.com