This week was a test that truly did push me to the Brink.
With half of our happy home unemployed at the moment, like millions of others across the country, we have tried to be responsible about our spending. But, for some reason, this week it finally became clear that the math isn’t working. So, further cuts were arranged. Then, our daughter became sick. And, two days in to what we thought was just another vomit-fest, we realized there was more to it. ER here we came. The ER came the same day that, late for work, I managed to forget my lunch (another cost-cutting measure), my train pass, my subway card and - then I broke my glasses on the train. All minor things, but all made me realize that the sponge was close to capacity, and I was losing my ability to make good decisions.
It’s amazing to realize that you’ve reached a point where you should not make decisions. Because as a juggler, this is your role, your very being. I MUST be able to make decisions. Or else, paralysis sets in and things just don’t happen anymore. And we can’t have that. Things only progress when decisions are made. Forward momentum must be maintained. Decisions must happen. But, after the all-nighter in the ER, and home again with my daughter, I realized that it was too much. This week was too much. And then it happened. I took a nap.
It feels like I’ve actually been napping for 2 days, but it was really only a couple of hours. But, it’s slow to start the engine again, and I don’t think I am quite there in terms of having pulled back from the brink. I am highly irritable. I don’t want to play with the kids because I am exhausted from cleaning up puke. But, I am so tired of them watching TV that I’m not sure which way to turn. And, my poor husband, I have nothing for him. I am still tired, irritated, feeling low, angry, stressed about what I missed at work during the day I took off, and just not sure where to start. It will become clear again in a few days, but there are the times that I wonder if being the juggler is worth it. And this is one of those days.
Tags: Add new tag, kids, spending, unemployed, work
Whoa. I just want to reach through the computer screen and give you a hug, dear. You need a vacation, for about a decade! I just posted your blog post on Digg because I think all women (and all parents) could benefit from your writing. I just discovered lifework alliance, and I have to say it’s a wonderful site for work life balance. And I really love the blogs!