So, I have to say, as much as I do a lot - I run a large team at an advertising agency on a large piece of business, I have 2 children, I have a husband, pre-school volunteering, housekeeping and other chores, friends to keep, friends to not keep, you name it - I often feel like I don’t do enough.

I was recently introduced to a charity I believe in through a friend and determined to do better for the world than just donate money. And, I have to say, I’m not very good at it. When it comes to prioritizing “doing good” over that client call, my kids, things I have to do at home, I truly have a hard time placing volunteering first. Similarly, although I am not Catholic, I married a Catholic and christened my children in a Catholic church. But, when Sunday comes, I am not in church. At some point, this will need to change. The commitment I made is real and both of my daughters - in addition to my husband and I - need to begin to participate in our church community in order to give our children the ability to make an informed future choice about their faith.

I’m not sure why these things are so hard for me to prioritize. I hate to think that I don’t believe in them, but is that the case? Is it that there is simply too much to do, or is this just post-rationalizing not prioritizing them in order to make myself feel better?

I realize in times like these that perhaps my ability to prioritize is out of whack.  Maybe I am not the Juggler extraordinaire. I wrote some weeks ago about my back  issues and my need to create a better routine around my health. While I have been diligent about the “easy” stuff - going to physical therapy, taking my vitamins, lifting properly - I have yet to really engage in exercising beyond doing the stretches given to me by my doctor.

When do people do this stuff? How do people do all this? My friends and co-workers often tell me that they think I do it all, but I have to say that my response lately has been that I am a less-than-graceful Juggler. I am missing things left and right.  Juggling feels like such an illusion. I have things in my life that should be meaningful that I just can’t get to.

I feel like I need a reset button. But, when I need to decide what I need to do - I need to earn. I need to tuck kids into bed, I need to vent with my girlfriends for my own sanity. And this all seems much more important than church. I am clearly going to hell!

Perhaps this all makes sense and I am prioritizing the right things, but I feel I may wake up one day and question what I have put at the top of my list. I feel I make my choices based on need combined with what I feel I can live with (call it the combination of my gut, mind and heart). But, guilt carries on. Perhaps the subject here then, is really guilt. I know guilt shouldn’t be the guide. How to stop it? How to separate it from the other factors?

I feel my struggle is a common one. But the question remains - how to decide? How do you?

Today I experienced a moment of sweet bliss. Not because something really great happened. Not because I achieved a state of enlightenment. No, it was because I a handbag. And,oh, what a purchase that was.

Now, I’ll start by saying that I didn’t need to buy the bag. I can do without it. You know the saying, “Use it up, wear it out, repair it, do without.” I believe this to be true, especially given today’s economy. My husband has been out of work for 9 months now and I do my share to save. I color my own hair, forego expensive makeup and beauty supplies, I coupon clip. In fact, I coupon-clipped for the bag. That was half of the magic. But, let me return to the bag first.

Even given everything I just said, there is some deeper psychological benefit to buying something for yourself. It’s glorious. It’s a warm, hopeful, feeling that envelops your entire body like a drink of warm milk, or a hot bath. It begins with the anticipation of the event, and stays with you all the way through the purchase process to the moment when you have the thing in your possession. It doesn’t need to be clothing or an accessory., It could be stopping to get a pedicure, it could be an ice cream cone, getting your car washed , or buying hand cream that smells nice.

So, back to the bag. Not only is it gorgeous in all its black-patent magnificence, but I got it for almost nothing. I printed an online coupon for 20% off, converted some credit card rewards points into gift certificates and then at the store - the added bonus - the bag was 50% off. And now, here I sit with my new handbag, admiring it. Dare I say, loving it?

Now, I’m sure that on some deeper level, this likely constitutes some form of personality disorder. My god woman! Do you really need the g-d— bag?! But, I have to say, the feeling I get from it is better than sex. Now, one could argue that I am not having good sex, but given that sex is like pizza (even when it’s bad, it’s good), I think there is a lot to be said for the handbag. Perhaps the greater message is that there is a lot to be said for the moments when we stop to do something purely for ourselves. There is nothing in the purchase of the handbag for my kids, my husband, my work, my friends. It is for me and me alone. And, as long as I’m not trying to justify a $5000 bag (the bag I bough ended up costing about $150 given my extraordinary saving prowess), I think the moment is worth every single penny!