At the beach. The sun has set. Lots of people still around. It’s a perfect summer night here on the boardwalk. Wife and kids are just up ahead. I’ve waved them on so I may take a break to speak to the ocean, see if it has any idea where I may have misplaced my sanity. It seems to be missing. For quite some time actually. Possibly a casualty to the mounds of building stress. Or maybe it’s heredity. Either way, I ask the ocean, silently, for help.

I watch the waves coming and going. My blood pressure begins to settle down. Lower. Lower. Then… it strikes me. Hard, like a wave slapping me. Until this point, all the turmoil/stress/disappointment of the last 2 years had clouded my vision. I see now, for some strange reason, now of all times, and after all this time, I see now what I’ve always been searching for. The answer.

The meaning. Which meaning, you ask. THE meaning. The ‘Why are we here’ meaning. The ‘What’s the meaning of life’ meaning. I’ve got it. No more wondering.

A sensation fills me. Not a tingling. Not happiness. Just a feeling. Indescribable.

I’ll tell you what it is. But be forewarned, you may be disappointed. This quest that man has been on for, well, forever, is not something easily completed. Especially by some unknown blogger. It can’t be that simple, you’ll say. And for that reason, you’ll be disappointed. But think about it before you pass judgment.

Here it is. The meaning of life is…

To be surrounded by people you love… to be happy.
To watch a child singing to himself when he thinks he’s alone… to be happy.
To free your mind of all the nonsense… to be happy.
To chase after what’s important, not just necessary… to be happy.
To accept who, and what, you are… to be happy.
To love someone more than you could ever love yourself… to be happy.
To be happy.

The meaning of life is simple. It’s… to be happy.

But do you know what real happiness is? May seem like an easy question. But I bet, to more than a few of you, it’s the toughest question you’ve ever been asked. Because, in order to answer a question, you must first understand the question. And for many people, the ones who are searching for happiness in all the wrong places, understanding real happiness may prove quite elusive.

So think about it.

I recently suffered through a few minutes of a summer replacement reality show, “More To Love” (on Fox! surprise). In this show, a bevy of non-petites willingly insert themselves into an implied fat joke, all for your viewing pleasure.

Sure, the women here are presented in a positive light, none more neurotic or desperate than those on “The Bachelor”. But it’s clear by the show’s title, More To Love, that the women are not supposed to be taken seriously (and neither is the guy they’re vying for). The audience is expected to get the joke and view these women as amusingly plump and lookin’ for love.

Is this how women wished to be perceived? Of course not but… what the hell?   “We are on this show because we are bigger than average. This is a show about love, hope and dreams. And we are… well, we’re fat. That’s why we’re here, to demonstrate what it would be like if a fat woman and a fat dude made a love connection. So laugh at us as we desperately try to get noticed by the guy with the fake smile who will sweep us off into a life of bliss, devoid of fat jokes.”

What does this say about the progress women have made? Or maybe I should ask, what does this say about the regression women are experiencing. I certainly don’t want to make too much out of a summer reality show, especially one as forgettable as this. It just struck me as odd, that’s all, that women are usually defined first by their looks, followed (in the distance) by their intellect, experience, etc. I realize that this isn’t news. But with the considerable recent progress being made regarding the image of women, I find it strange that a show like this made it on network television.

Well, Fox anyway.

The title here comes from something my wife and I witnessed. Driving along a very busy road one day, we were forced to pull around a car stopped in the middle of traffic. As we passed, we saw the driver, an older man, dangling his foot out the door and tying his shoe. We laughed. Could it be that this dolt actually stopped and held up traffic to tie his *%#@^& shoe? Sure looked that way. Regardless, it brings to light the existence of another segment of our society: The Clueless.

You’ve seen them, the people who blankly push past you in the store, oblivious to how they nearly hip checked you into the frozen peas. Or those pleasant folks who endlessly talk at you about their troubles, and barely seem to be listening when you speak (and you know they’re simply waiting for your lips to stop moving).

The clueless among us are everywhere. And they pose a threat. All kidding aside, how is progress going to be made in areas like work/life integration, when, for example, your boss thinks that work/life integration means giving you the choice of eating your lunch at 12 or 12:15? Or allowing you to work an hour later each night instead of coming in to work on Saturday?

I interviewed at a mid-sized tech company a few years back comprised of nearly all men. And although I hear that single, older female managers often present the most resistance to the younger generation’s quest for balance, let’s not give men a free pass. The man who interviewed me, let’s call him Jack (short for jackass), seemed like a nice guy. We bonded quickly, talking about the industry, his home town, then sports (of course). Then the topic came up, somehow, of women employees. Jack didn’t really know who I was, or who I knew, but he felt confident that he could open up to me (I assume because he and I shared the same type of genitals?).  He said, quite openly, that he was able to offer less money to female employees, and also that he made it a point to avoid hiring women who were in their child-bearing years. I kid you not, I’m not fabricating this for illustration. Since women have kids in their 20’s, 30’s, 40’s and sometimes even 50’s, it’s easy to understand why there were virtually no women in this company. Sad. Infuriating. But par for the course, I’m sure, for more than a few managers out there. You know, the clueless ones whose vision extends about as far out as next week.

So, my fellow work/life strugglers, the struggle is long from over. It’s just beginning in many respects. There are a lot of Jacks, and Jackies, out there to overcome. And although, at times, you may have the overwhelming urge to smack these people upside their misshapen heads, I advise you to take a deep breath and trust that change is coming. Understand, though, that long-term, systemic change doesn’t happen overnight.

But that doesn’t mean you should sit idly waiting to be thrown a crumb. Nor should you throw your hands up in frustrated defeat. Never give up, you women and men of vision. This struggle is one that’s far too important. And you know it.

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