One of the perks to being a dad is knowing that no matter how much I mess up, my kids will always love me.

There was the science fair project my son and I were working on. Thanks to dad’s help, it didn’t quite turn out the way the book said it would. Brian said it was still the best experiment he ever could have done. And he loved me for helping him.

Or how about the time I painted my daughter’s room the wrong shade of orange. Julie wouldn’t let me repaint it, because, she said, the color wasn’t really that far off. But I knew it was. And she loved me for painting her room.

Leaving my daughter’s dress hanging on her door when I should have put it in the car with everyone else’s clothes. That was a good one, too.  Believe me when I tell you I’ve had my fair share of these “Oh no” moments over the years, and after each one of them, and some were real doozies, my kids still love me.

But not this time. I messed up royally. Okay…if you want to be technical about it, I didn’t actually mess up. I joined the ranks of the unemployed, and it really wasn’t my fault. The economy and all. But when there are tuitions to be paid, the holidays coming up, and all the other kids are going to the Caribbean or will be studying abroad for winter break and mine can’t because dad lost his job, I can’t help but be filled with deep feelings of messing up. Thoughts of being a failure are intensified when I am filled with anxiety over things like paying the bills, feeding the family, and having to choose between putting gas in the car and replacing the cartridges in the printer; I can’t help but feel I’ve messed up big time. And I am convinced that this time, I’ve screwed everything up so completely, that there’s no way they could still love me.

The three-page letter was taped to the mirror in my bathroom. It was signed by my two children. I don’t know how or when they were able to collaborate on it, considering only one of them lives at home.  I found it after yet another rough week of job hunting negatives and financial difficulties. “You have not let us down, and you have not failed us, Dad,” it read. “The only people who fail are those who give up. You are the strongest and best person we know. Not a day goes by when we are not thankful for all the things we DO have, for all that you’ve been able to do for us, and for what you still do for us every day. THANK YOU for being in our lives, because we don’t know who we would be without you.”

Actually, Brian and Julie…thank YOU. I don’t know where I would be without your love.

Yes, indeed… the best perks a dad could ever want.